I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
