Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
