I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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