So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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