I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
