Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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