She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
