I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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