can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
