so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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