We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
