Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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