Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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