I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
