when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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