i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
