I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
