I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
