just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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