I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
