I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
