the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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