I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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