If i come over, it means nothing
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
