Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
