Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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