but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
