I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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