i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
