wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i barfeds in our rink
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
