I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
