I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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