So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
