im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
