:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
