Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
