She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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