you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
