I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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