I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
