i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
