I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
