No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's like a pop up book from hell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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