you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
