He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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