My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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