I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
