I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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