Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
