I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
