therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
